Speeches for those closest to the celebrated star of the day
Although we have birthdays every year, they can actually mark a surprisingly large number of milestones in our lives – a bar mitzvah, a 21st, a big 50th or a 100th! They can also just be great excuses to get people together.
Maybe it’s been a big year for you personally, and you want to thank everyone who’s been a part of it, or maybe it’s a significant moment for someone in your family, and everyone is making the effort to be there for a big get-together.
Maybe you just like the attention, and it’s something people expect from you! Whatever the reason, if you want to address the room, having a well-prepared speech ready can really elevate the occasion.
For a birthday, the tricky bit is often identifying the exact story you want to tell, and then doing it with panache. And that’s where we can help.
Whether you’re struggling to find the time, the confidence, or the idea, we will work with you to make you sound like the best version of yourself. We’ll discuss stories and ideas, broad themes and specific details, and turn them into a speech that you’ll look forward to giving. With our expertise, care and attention, you can relax, and get ready to enjoy the day.
There are a few ways this can work, and we’ve outlined the differences in the pricing below. But the basic principles stay the same:
Once you pick the type of help you need, we will get back to you as quickly as possible (always within 24hrs) and put you in touch with your writer, who will support you from start to finish.
We’ll speak to you (via Zoom, phone, email or in person, depending on convenience) and get a feel for who you are, what you want to achieve and what you’re worried about, as well as getting into the details for the speech itself.
Once your writer understands your needs, they’ll send across an outline of their thoughts and ideas, and, if you’re happy with that, get to writing. You can relax and wait for your first draft.
When you receive your first draft you’ll see what you make of it, and discuss any changes with your writer – anything from “can we try a different theme?” to “that’s not my kind of humour”, or even “can we just move that comma?” It’s your speech, and that means it has to be just right for you.
You’ll go back-and-forth with your writer as much as you need to in the time we have, until you are happy with your speech.
...we will always be 100% discreet.
Our prices are based on what you need from us, which will broadly fall into one of the following categories:
If a blank page is staring back at you and you just don’t know what to do, don’t worry: we’ll take the reins, and work with you to create your dream speech.
We’ll get ideas and information from you, come up with a structure and some themes, draft the speech and edit it, with your input, until you’re happy. All you need to do is give us some information, and we’ll handle all the rest.
You’ve been waiting… and waiting… and waiting… for inspiration to strike. Now your wedding is imminent, and you’ve run out of time! If your speech needs to be delivered in 5 days or fewer, pick this option.
You’ll get the same attentive service as the regular Full Works, but at top speed.
For when you’ve got your ideas together, made a start and written something, but you’re not sure what. You’ve already done some heavy lifting (hence the lower price), so if there’s a speech in there we’ll find it, polish it, and make it work for you.
If we think the only option is a major overhaul we might suggest the Full Works, and will be happy to discuss alternative ways forward.
Achieve a professional standard, giving you the peace of mind that your script is “stage-ready” before you step up to the microphone.
There are a hundred different ways to give a birthday speech, and, as with all things, context makes a big difference. But if you follow these principles, you should end up in a good place:
Birthday speeches can vary in length, largely depending on how important the occasion is deemed to be. For some, 3-5 minutes will do it. Bar mitzvahs will be longer, while big innings can deserve 9 or 10 minutes of reflection, if not more. However long you think feels right, try to speak at around 120 words a minute.
Mostly this will come down to who’s being celebrated – perhaps ironically, if it’s your birthday and you speaking, you’ll probably be talking about everybody else! If you’re celebrating someone else’s birthday though, you’ll of course be focused on them.
Either way, the nice thing about a birthday speech is that it doesn’t come with many expectations – everyone is happy to be there and to be celebrating, so the contents are pretty much up to you! So there’s no “right way”, but it’ll often go in one of three directions: reflections on the time that passed since the last major gathering, and how lives have changed; words on each person in the room, and how their lives interact with the person being celebrated; or a flat-out effort to make everyone in the room laugh until they’re crying.
You’ll probably know what’s best for you and your audience, and if it’s been your idea to speak, you’ll probably already have a sense of what you want to say. So the best advice you can get is to identify what you want the outcome to be, focus on getting the most out of your stories, make it a speech that only you could give, and try to make it engaging for everyone.
This totally depends on your audience, and what they expect from you and the occasion. As above, the rules for birthdays are much looser than they are for weddings or funerals, so you have licence to go wherever you think will work for the people you’re talking to – a crowd of twenty friends you’ve known for years will respond differently to a multi-generational family, a mixed group of colleagues.
A good rule of thumb is to think about the oldest and youngest people in the room, or – if it’s a group that’s all quite similar – the two most different people you’re expecting. If a joke will make them both laugh, great! Keep it in. If you want to make a joke that you’d be uncomfortable saying directly to anyone one-on-one, ask yourself whether you have to say it and – if you feel that you do – whether there’s a way to do it so that will save blushes or confusion. It’s ok if people think you’re a bit cheeky, but not downright objectionable!
Light-hearted jokes, self-deprecating humour and a bit of mockery will always go down well, and you can lean into these different categories depending on who’s going to be in the room, and the sort of humour you’d usually share with them. Know the limits, and if you have any doubts try to test the water with a couple of people.
Please, don’t!
As much as they’ll have been used 10,000 times and have therefore been “proven”, if anyone in the room has heard the joke before, they’ll immediately think “oh, they’ve not put much effort into this…” This is doubly true when you’re making a speech about someone else – you want to show that you’ve thought about this!
A little effort here will go a long way. You’ll have a lot more fun, and you’ll be funnier for being yourself.
It’s not essential, but it will help. At the very least, you should find the time to read through your speech a few times before the wedding. If you can do more, do – it’ll help you to relax when the time comes, and you’ll spot little things you want to tweak and change along the way.
You also don’t have to read out loud, but if you can do that a few times, do. It’ll help you figure out your pace and your delivery, and you’ll get a better idea of where to emphasise words and lines, when to pause, and when to breathe.
There’s no golden rule here, but if you can have the contents of the speech sorted with 1-2 weeks to go, you’ll be in a great place. Depending on how you write, that might mean starting to pull ideas together 3-6 weeks before the wedding.
If you write it too far ahead, it’s likely to be out of date by the time of the birthday, and you’ll have to make plenty of changes, or even start over. Equally, if you leave it to the last minute you’ll be putting more pressure on yourself than you need to, and won’t have had time to come up with your best ideas.
There’s a cliché in film and TV where speakers dramatically throw away sheets of written words to “really speak from the heart.” It looks good when they do it, but it’s worth remembering – these are actors delivering scripts!
For most people who aren’t improv comics, it’s best to plan ahead. There are a few good reasons why.
Firstly, some preparation shows that you care. Taking the time to figure out the best way to say what you want to say will make your speech better, and you’ll be more satisfied by the time you sit back down. Your audience will be glad you’ve prepared.
Secondly, you’re not likely to have the time to sit and reflect on what you want to say when there are people to greet, snacks to eat and drinks to drink. You might forget something that, afterwards, you’ll feel was important, or find yourself halfway through your time with no idea what to say next. Writing things down means you’ll definitely be saying what you want to, and nothing you don’t.
Lastly, it’s a real confidence-builder. Having a script ahead of time; holding the words in your hand when you get up to speak; hearing the audience reaction and thinking “this next line is going to go down a storm!” as you’re speaking – all of this will make you a better speaker, and you’ll enjoy your time far more.
