Speeches for mothers and fathers, stepdads and step mums, aunties, uncles and others
These days, a wide variety of people take on the role of “speaker for the older generation” at a wedding. You could be the mother or father of the bride, a step-parent of the groom, an auntie, a godfather or a grandparent. Whatever your relationship is with one of the happy couple, your role is the same: celebrate the person that means so much to you, tell those stories only you know, and has always wanted nothing but the best for the person getting married.
That can be a big ask. In ten minutes (or less!) you’re expected to share wisdom, jokes, anecdotes, affection and advice – all while holding back tears! This can be particularly poignant for you if you feel like this is your one big chance to say what makes the person you’re talking about so very special. How do you cover all that in a limited time? Where do you even begin?
Whether you’re struggling to find the time, the confidence, or the perfect words, we will work with you to make you sound like the best version of yourself, taking a huge chunk of stress out of the build-up.
We’ll work through your stories and ideas, and turn them into a speech that really does your loved one justice. With our expertise, care and attention, you can relax, knowing that you have a speech which you, and your loved ones, will love.
There are a few ways this can work, and we’ve outlined the differences in the pricing below. But the basic principles stay the same:
Once you pick the type of help you need, we will get back to you as quickly as possible (always within 24hrs) and put you in touch with your writer, who will support you from start to finish.
We’ll speak to you (via Zoom, phone, email or in person, depending on convenience) and get a feel for who you are, what you want to achieve and what you’re worried about, as well as getting into the details for the speech itself.
Once your writer understands your needs, they’ll send across an outline of their thoughts and ideas, and, if you’re happy with that, get to writing. You can relax and wait for your first draft.
When you receive your first draft you’ll see what you make of it, and discuss any changes with your writer – anything from “can we try a different theme?” to “that’s not my kind of humour”, or even “can we just move that comma?” It’s your speech, and that means it has to be just right for you.
You’ll go back-and-forth with your writer as much as you need to in the time we have, until you are happy with your speech.
...we will always be 100% discreet.
Our prices are based on what you need from us, which will broadly fall into one of the following categories:
If a blank page is staring back at you and you just don’t know what to do, don’t worry: we’ll take the reins, and work with you to create your dream speech.
We’ll get ideas and information from you, come up with a structure and some themes, draft the speech and edit it, with your input, until you’re happy. All you need to do is give us some information, and we’ll handle all the rest.
You’ve been waiting… and waiting… and waiting… for inspiration to strike. Now your wedding is imminent, and you’ve run out of time! If your speech needs to be delivered in 5 days or fewer, pick this option.
You’ll get the same attentive service
For when you’ve got your ideas together, made a start and written something, but you’re not sure what. You’ve already done some heavy lifting (hence the lower price), so if there’s a speech in there we’ll find it, polish it, and make it work for you.
If we think the only option is a major overhaul we might suggest the Full Works, and will be happy to discuss alternative ways forward.
Achieve a professional standard, giving you the peace of mind that your script is “stage-ready” before you step up to the microphone.
There are a hundred different ways to give a wedding speech, and, as with all things, context makes a big difference. But if you follow these principles, you should end up in a good place:
The most common question with a simple answer – typically, 7-10 minutes is great. Shorter than that and your audience might feel short changed, while going over risks losing their attention. If you have to go long, don’t go past 12 minutes. You might also aim for 5-6 minutes if you and your partner are both speaking separately. Try to speak at around 120 words a minute.
Your job tends to be to provide snapshots from the life of the person you’re representing – your daughter, nephew, step-son or whoever. You’re representing the people who have seen them grow up. This person is your focus, and you want to give the audience a sense of how they became the person they are today.
Within that, your biggest challenge is to pick and choose the stories you want to tell. There’s a temptation to think that nothing can be left out, and that every small event is relevant to the picture you’re trying to paint. But when you’re already 7 minutes in and your next anecdote begins with “by the time Kate was 5 years old…” your audience will start to exchange worried looks.
To stay on top of your timing, you’re going to want 3-5 little stories that collectively illustrate what kind of person your subject is. By all means think of more – you can use these when you’re talking to friends and family throughout the rest of the day! – but for your speech, try to stay focused on just one or two trains of thought.
You’re likely to be someone who has seen at least one of the happy couple growing from childhood to adulthood, so your audience will want your stories to be from a few different phases in your subject’s life. Again, it’s important to not spend all your time talking about their childhood, as this can make it seem as though you don’t know them so well as an adult, or that your favourite memories are all from long ago.
For step-parents the story can be a little different. Sometimes you’ll have known your subject from a very young ages, and sometimes you’ll have spent most of your time together as adults. Most of the advice above still stands, but you may want to get some stories from family and friends to bolster your material, and to focus on events which have happened since you met your subject.
Whatever your relationship with your subject is, it’s a good idea to speak with them and see if there’s anything they do or don’t want you to cover. This is particularly true if you’re speaking in place of a parent who is absent for one reason or another. Some people will want this addressed; others might prefer you to focus on just the people in the room on the day.
You’ll also want to say something about the other half of the couple – first impressions, how they’ve contributed to your loved one’s life and why you think they work as a couple. You don’t have to do all of this, but it’s good to include both halves of the couple one way or another.
In essence: focus on your story, don’t go for too long, make it a speech that only you could give, and make sure that the subject of your speech is happy with the direction you want to go.
This totally depends on your audience. The couple will set the overall tone, but you’re likely to be the first speaker on the day, so you have the trickier job of warming up the crowd. In your role, people will expect that the butt of most jokes will either be you, or both members of the marrying couple – though with your punchlines skewed towards the person who has asked you to speak. Most audiences will typically expect about a 60/40 split of humour to sincerity.
A good rule of thumb is to think about the oldest and youngest people in the room. If a joke will make them both laugh, great! Keep it in. If you want to make a joke that you’d be uncomfortable saying directly to those grandparents and children, it’s probably best for you to leave it out. Stories that embarrass the couple are always a winner, as long as they are delivered with overall kindness. You don’t want to paint either of the couple as an actual hopeless idiot.
Light-hearted jokes, self-deprecating humour and a decent bit of embarrassment will always go down well, but if you have any doubts, test the water with the couple or consult with others who know your subject well.
Please, don’t!
As much as they’ll have been used 10,000 times at other weddings and have therefore been proven to be somewhat effective, if anyone in the room has heard the joke before, they’ll immediately think “oh, they’ve not put much effort into this…” This is doubly true when the happy couple have given you the honour of a prominent role in proceedings – you want to show that this means something to you!
A little effort here will go a long way. You’ll have a lot more fun, and you’ll be funnier for being yourself.
It’s not essential, but it will help. At the very least, you should find the time to read through your speech half a dozen times before the big day. If you can do more, do – it’ll help you to relax when the time comes, and you’ll spot little things you want to tweak and change.
You also don’t have to read out loud, but if you can do that a few times, do. It’ll help you figure out your pace and your delivery, and you’ll get a better idea of where to emphasise words and lines, when to pause, and when to breathe.
There’s no golden rule here, but if you can have the contents of the speech sorted with 2-3 weeks to go, you’ll be in a great place. Depending on how you write, that might mean starting to pull ideas together 4-8 weeks before the wedding.
If you write it a year before the wedding, it’s likely to be out of date by the time of the wedding, and you’ll have to make plenty of changes, or even start over. Equally, if you leave it to the last minute you’ll be putting much more pressure on yourself than you need to, and won’t have had time to come up with your best ideas.
There’s a cliché in film and TV where speakers dramatically throw away sheets of written words to “really speak from the heart.” It looks good when they do it, but it’s worth remembering – these are actors delivering scripts!
For most people who aren’t improv comics, it’s best to plan ahead. There are a few good reasons why.
Firstly, you have so much else to think about on the day that you’re not likely to be firing on all cylinders. You might forget something that, afterwards, you’ll feel was crucial, or find yourself halfway through your time with no idea what to say next. Writing it down means you’ll definitely be saying what you want to.
Secondly, some preparation shows that you care. Taking the time to figure out the best way to say what you want to say will make your speech all the more impactful, and you’ll be more satisfied by the time you sit back down.
Lastly, it’s a real confidence-builder. Having a script ahead of time; holding the words in your hand when you get up to speak; hearing the audience reaction and thinking “this next line is going to kill!” as you’re speaking – all of this will make you a better speaker, and you’ll enjoy your day far more.
